“Hi, my name is Lina, and I am terrible with my personal finance.”

This blog post is a confession that I’ve been itching to write. For years, I’ve done my research on personal finance. I have read hours worth of internet information between my Google findings and the /r/Personalfinance subreddit. I have given advice to my friends, friends of friends, and to my family. I have taken a personal finance class three times in college. And yes, I am here to admit that I am terrible with my personal finance.

Personal finance is a self-explanatory term, but essentially it’s the part of your life you have to deal with financially. Personal finance is to an adult what discovering who you are to an eager teenager (that’s waiting to grow up). It’s an important part of life, and it’s somewhat exciting and scary at the same time. It’s also a big umbrella term, because it’s way more than what you think. This includes your net worth (assets and liabilities), your credit score, and your investments. It also includes your budget, deciding on your purchases, and can be a decision in your daily activities.

I spend money like I’m dying of thirst.

It’s a habit I developed. My parents showed me the way, and having money in my hands reinforced the habit.

I started getting funds after I finished my first temporary role as a poll worker (not pole worker) for the election. I knew the position would be paid at least $80.00 per my U.S. government teacher, but I ended up receiving a check for more. That was when I opened up my first bank account with my aunt, and I deposited the cash.

I was excited about having a debit card and a checking account. Access to my cash electronically for online purchases thrilled me too. I was agonizing for days over what to spend my tiny paycheck on. In the end, my entire paycheck went to a website that sold trendy streetwear. It was glorious seeing the package get to my hands. And it fit well. and I was so happy….for like 5 minutes. The quality was cheap, the print was gaudy, and it was oversized (so it HAD to fit).

I have a naturally bad habit of just spending what I have instantly. I would go out to get groceries when I couldn’t use all of it. I paid for dinners and lunches. I told others they can cover me next time, but never allowed them to do so. I would buy things that catch my eye in the moment instead of understanding their long-term benefits.

Money felt like it would disappear at any moment, like an opportunity. I wanted to spend it the moment I had it.

I have a terrible credit score because I’d made terrible choices in the past.

I opened a store credit card at America’s most popular women’s undergarment brand. I thought I knew the basics of the credit card: spend money, pay it off monthly. Nope. I abandoned the card the moment I went through the entire credit limit. It wasn’t my money, it was theirs that I now owed. That card went into collections right away.

I was awarded a credit card from my financial institution. On top of that, I’d also blown through that limit. I learned from my parents to pay only the minimum payment. This way, I would have more spending money. Why is it that my debt wasn’t going down? The answer was clearly obvious with APR and interest. I had my first two cards. I already messed up my credit score. I had a delinquent account and a high credit utilization percentage for both.